New Story: The Office Hellmouth, Part 1

[willow_25]

I had a crap morning last Tuesday. 

happynonoplace    sent me a very funny little video meme type thing, to cheer me up.  And I was cheered.

So, I wrote:

Thanks so much for doing your part to cheer me up; I totally owe you a short story or meme of your choice.

And, she wrote:

You should write one about Buffy working in an office environment with a pscyho boss...

 

So, that's the genus of the following insanity.  May cause flashbacks, if you've ever worked for an irrational boss.  I know I'm supposed to be working on FAA, and nothing else, but this had to be written, once the idea was planted in my brain.  Also, this has not been beta'd.  You've been warned.

*********

  

 

 Tuesday (Second Day)

Buffy blinked at the smiling middle-aged woman, unable to comprehend what exactly was going on.  "You…You want me to write your letters for you?  But, I mean, not that I don't appreciate being given more responsibility; it's just that, don't you think I should make sure I know my job better before I take on other things?"

 

Carol shrugged, apparently unconcerned.  "It's not like it's rocket science, they're just letters.  You do drafts, and save them, and then I'll edit them.  Then you print them, and I sign them.  It's not a big deal.  I just don't have time to do the whole thing myself."

 

Buffy nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat.  Yeah; not rocket science.  She could barely work the coffee pot, they wanted to throw MORE stuff at her.  Then again, a job like this, paying more than three times minimum wage, and requiring no more than a high school education, was hard to find in Sunnydale.  She'd just have to plow through, and pray she got it right.  "I won't let you down, Carol."  Buffy stated somberly, heading back to her desk.

*********

 

Friday (Fifth Day)

Buffy looked up at the clock, counting the minutes until 6:00.  Willow had taken Dawn out for some post-accidentally-trying-to-kill-you bonding time, leaving Buffy free until Saturday afternoon.  And she knew exactly how she was going to unwind from her stressful first week.

 

She hated to admit it, even to herself, but Buffy was really looking forward to having Spike spend the night.  She refused to feel guilty; after she'd run around the office all day, slayed into the evening, then headed home to spend time with Dawn before bed, there had been no time left to spend with the vampire since she started her new job.  Even her stop at the crypt the previous evening, to invite him over tonight, had ended with nothing more exciting than a chaste kiss.  She SO needed to get laid.

 

All the day's letters were sealed and stamped, she'd cleaned the office kitchen, and the other papers she handled were happily placed in her out-box.  All she had to do was pack up her things, and she was out of…

 

"Buffy?"  Carol poked her head around the corner.  "The night receptionist can't make it, can you cover for her?  We'll pay overtime, of course."

 

Buffy looked at the clock.  Five of.  This was the second time this week she'd been given less than 10 minutes notice that she needed to stay late.  Buffy really couldn't say no, though; especially not until after she got her first check.  Well, guess the sex wasn't happening again tonight.  "Sure, Carol.  Just let me call and change my plans for tonight."

 

"Great!"  Carol flashed Buffy a big smile.  "I'll just go tell Cindi to hold on for a couple of minutes, so she can explain the switchboard to you.  Hurry up; she only has 20 minutes to catch her bus home.  Otherwise, she's stuck here until her husband can pick her up at 11."

 

Buffy sighed.  So much for asking why Cindi couldn't stay.  She called Anya, and asked the other girl to track down Spike and have him patrol for her.  Buffy tried to casually mention that he should stop by afterwards and see her office; but when Anya asked if she wanted Spike to make a booty call so they could do it under the reception desk, Buffy gave up and headed to the front of the office.

 

The switchboard looked like something out of a 60's movie, huge and outdated, but there were printed instructions, and Cindi assured her that the phone wouldn't ring more than a few times.  Then Cindi ran for the last bus, leaving Buffy to the phone.  Which wasn't that scary, once you got used to it.

 

It was, however, boring.  The phone had only rung once after Buffy sat down.  Just as she started calculating if she'd be able to run and get coffee before someone noticed she was gone, Carol came up to the desk.  "Hey, Buffy.  The calendar didn't get updated to reflect that Jean would be out tonight, could you take care of that for me?  Oh, and I'm gonna go, but if anyone calls for me, could you send the calls to my cell?  Thanks, sweetie; you're the best."

 

Before Buffy could open her mouth, her boss was gone.  Great.  How did you update the calendar?  Or send calls to a cell phone?  She looked around the desk, searching for a paper calendar or planner of some kind.  When she didn't find one, she logged on to the computer.  Luckily, there was an icon on the desktop; but once Buffy had the program open, she couldn't figure out how to use it.

 

Buffy dug around in the desk some more, and came up with a cell phone number for Cindi, but before she could call it, the phone started ringing.  "Good Afternoon."  Buffy tried to sound awake and cheerful, but she was tired and angry, and it showed.

 

"Buffy, that's not how we answer the phones in this office.  It's very important that you smile and sound like you're happy to be at work.  I'm going to hang up, and I want you to try it again."  Click.

 

Buffy sighed, and replaced the phone in its cradle, taking a deep breath and preparing to sound cheerful.  Sure enough, the phone rang again.  "Good Afternoon!"

 

"Much better, Buffy."  Carol commented.  "Make sure you do that every time you answer the phones.  Now, did you get those letters revised?"

 

Buffy blinked.  Letters?  The letters went out in the afternoon mail.  Carol had already signed them.  There were more revisions?  "Um, were the revisions to the letters you signed earlier, or to other letters?"  Buffy asked hesitantly. 

 

Carol sighed.  "Buffy, these letters are your responsibility.  I can't be expected to stand over you and fix all of your mistakes.  If you're not sure they're correct, you can't send them out.  Call the mail room and have them brought back, and look them over.  Now, has anyone been looking for me?"

 

"No, not so far."  Buffy desperately wanted to add that in the last ten minutes there was no way anyone still left in the office would have even noticed she was gone, but held her tongue.

 

"Good.  Now, get those letters back, and be sure they get out today.  And, just because the phone doesn't ring, does not mean you can leave before 8.  I'll be checking up on you."

 

Buffy looked at the clock.  It was 6:48, and the mail left the building at 7.  She'd have to find out where there was a late night postage drop, and go on her way home.  "Okay, I'd better got off the phone and call the mail room, then."

 

"You know, I haven't said anything, because I wanted to give you time to adjust to the office, but your attitude leaves a lot to be desired.  I don't want to hear all this melodrama about what you need to do, I want it done.  You'd better start shaping up, Buffy, or we're going to have a problem."  Buffy's heart thumped.  There was no way she could be fired from this job; she had too many bills to pay.  Just as she started to really panic, Carol's voice turned cheerful.  "Now, you finish up things there, and have a great weekend!"  She hung up before Buffy could reply.

 

Frantic now at the threat to her position, Buffy called the very helpful Trent in the mail room and had him bring her back the letters.  He even brought up directions to a mailbox with a pickup after midnight, and stamps for the new envelopes she'd have to print, after she opened the old ones.  Of course, after Buffy opened every envelope, and checked the letters in hard copy against the computer files, they were identical, and she had to run 20 new envelopes for no reason.  But, now, when Carol called back, she could say they were perfect.

 

Of course, in all her panic over the letters, Buffy forgot about the calendar, or to practice transferring a call to an outside number, and she also forgot about Spike.  Sure enough, just as the vampire knocked on the office door, the phone rang.  "Good afternoon!"  Buffy answered the phone, slightly out of breath after her dash back and forth across the lobby.  "I'm sorry, Carol's gone for the day.  Would you like me to transfer you to her cell phone?"  As the words were coming out of her mouth, Buffy realized she had no idea how to do that.  Which meant, of course, that the call was 'most urgent' and must be transferred.

 

Buffy carefully studied the instructions, and then transferred the call.  When she looked up and saw Spike, she sighed.  "I'm sorry about tonight, but I can't go anywhere until after 8.  Hey, could you do me a favor?"

 

"Not your bloody lap dog, Slayer."  Spike grumbled, ambling over to slouch across the reception desk.

 

"Please, Spike?  If you take these to this mailbox and get me a latte while I'm still covering the phone, we can go straight home at 8, and maybe I'll be awake enough for sex tonight."  Buffy pouted her best pout, hoping to entice the grouchy vampire.

 

Spike took one look at the circles under her eyes, and the slump of her posture, and the pile of envelopes, and went to the post box without another word.  Buffy smiled as Spike left the office.  He could be an ass, but if you ever really needed help, there he was.

 

Back on track, now, Buffy called Cindi and got instructions for the calendar.  Cindi insisted that it didn't need to be done tonight, but when Buffy said that Carol had specifically asked, the receptionist groaned.  "She's insane.  Who on earth is going to look at that thing at this hour on a Friday?"

 

The phone rang, and Buffy rushed to say good night to Cindi so she could answer the other line.  It was Carol.  "Buffy, have you had a chance to update the calendar yet?  I just looked at it, and it wasn't updated, so I wanted to know if it just wasn't done, or if I needed to call someone in IT."

 

Buffy turned bright red.  "Um, I'm sorry Carol, I haven't gotten to it yet."  Buffy wanted to explain that she'd had to call and ask for help, and now that she actually had a clue what she was supposed to do, it would only take a minute, but she worried that would be too much 'melodrama' after her boss' earlier complaint, and held her tongue.

 

"Well, get to it first thing, will you?  Also, I wanted to let you know that the gentleman you transferred to my cell phone was concerned about the amount of time it took you to complete the transfer.  He was about to hang up and call back when I picked up.  Did you take him off of hold, and tell him you were ready to transfer him, the way you're supposed to?"

 

Buffy looked up at the printed instructions for the phone system, then down at the notes she'd taken during her brief training.  Neither of them said anything about telling callers what was going on, or how long was too long to have a person on hold.  Evidently she also took too long formulating her response, and Carol heaved a huge sigh.  "Buffy, are you planning to answer me some time tonight?"

 

Buffy's stomach felt like she'd been punched by a Fyarl demon.  There was no way she could lose this job.  "I'm sorry, I was just checking to see if the notes said anything about that.  I can't find it."

 

Carol sighed again.  "I'll talk to Cindi about updating the notes on Monday.  Evidently, they need to be much more detailed to avoid confusion for those people who can't figure things out on their own."

 

Buffy felt her eyes tear up.  It just wasn't fair; she could save the world with complex plans and strategy, but this woman thought she was too stupid to work a phone.  Okay, maybe she was way too emotional just now, but it was upsetting.

 

Carol filled in the silence caused by Buffy trying to pull herself together.  "Look, I told him you were new, and that I would talk to you about it. so that's what I'm doing.  Be sure it never happens again, okay?"  Buffy choked out a response, and Carol replied.  "Now, you just finish up there as best you can, and head home at 8.  I'm going to have dinner with my family now, and I don't want to be disturbed while I'm spending time with my kids, okay; so if anyone else is looking for me, just put them through to my voicemail."

 

When Carol finally hung up, Buffy updated the calendar program with shaking hands.  Maybe she should have taken a job in fast food; there's no way the Doublemeat Palace was this stressful.

*********

 

Wednesday (Eighth Day)

"Hey, Buffy."  Carol bounced over to her desk, leaning over so she could see the monitor.  "Watcha working on?"

 

Buffy looked up at her boss, and braced herself.  She'd seen Carol's mood change on a dime, and didn't want to be the one to unleash 'evil-grouchy Carol' on her coworkers.  "I'm making the changes to the draft letters you wanted done before lunch; then I need to respond to some e-mails."

 

"And what do you have planned for the afternoon?"  Carol was still fairly calm and pleasant, so Buffy took a chance on giving out information.

 

"Well, I'll also need to do a quick run through the kitchen and break room before and after lunch, and distribute the afternoon mail, log all the incoming checks for the day and send them to LA for processing, cover Trent's afternoon break, and Cindi's, and then…I don't know.  It depends on if there are too many courier deliveries and they need to tap me for a few, or if there's any overflow typing from the Marketing department I need to help with."

 

Carol nodded, and Buffy winced internally, trying very hard not to wince on the outside.  At this point, there could be insults, praise, ambivalence, and just about anything in between from her boss.  She was starting to agree with Cindi's comment last Friday; the woman was nuts.

 

"Okay.  I have a new project for you, it's going to be an ongoing project, so you need to start working on it, and find a system."

 

Buffy nodded, relaxing.  Most of her duties were housekeeping and mailroom things, with occasional light typing; mainly, Carol's correspondence and anything the secretary for Marketing couldn't get done.  Ongoing projects tended to be easy, which meant less stress for Buffy in the finding-stuff-to-do area, as well as the staying-out-of-Carol's-way area.

 

"Sure, Carol, what do you need me to do?"  Buffy smiled, attempting a pleasant, agreeable attitude.

 

"We have negotiated rates with several hotels in the area, for when salespeople come to town.  I need you to get copies of last year's contracts, and negotiate the new ones to start in January."

 

Buffy almost choked.  She'd never negotiated anything except a surprise attack.  Was this kind of thing covered under 'office assistant'?  Didn't you need a lawyer to negotiate a contract?  "Um, sure, Carol.  If you think I'm up to the job."  Buffy was trying to sound positive, but her heart wasn't really in it.

 

Carol shrugged.  "It's not a big deal.  I'm sure you'll do fine.  Now, the list of hotels and their current rates are on the company website.  You'd better get cracking."  Carol turned and walked away.

*********

 

Thursday (Ninth Day)

"Buffy, how's that new project going?"  Carol came storming around the corner, looking like she was spoiling for a fight.  Buffy was starting to wish her boss was a soul-sucking demon like her first college roommate, so she could slay her.  Unfortunately, no such luck.

 

"Umm, the hotel thing?  It's going good.  I've got the list of hotels, and I started calling them.  I'll have the list finished before lunch, I'm sure."  Buffy smiled, hoping to pacify the antsy executive.

 

"You haven't finished calling them yet?  What are we paying you for, Buffy!"

 

Buffy itched to explain that it had taken her an hour and the assistance of one of the guys from IT to even find the list of hotels.  She wanted to say that she'd spent most of yesterday afternoon delivering packages, since the courier service they used was short staffed due to vampire-related deaths.  She really wanted to reveal how she'd been forced to delay delivery on the last package when she was attacked by a fledgling herself, and had ended up putting in an hour of overtime to finish the evening kitchen cleanup.  She ached to mention the obviously out of date list, with its incorrect contact names and phone numbers, and how she'd made calls from home last night, to get the correct information, so she could begin calling people first thing this morning.

 

But, Buffy was learning to hold her tongue.  "I'm sorry Carol, I'm working on it, and it will be done as soon as possible."

 

Carol turned and stormed off, and Buffy released a breath she hadn't realized she was holding.  Once she was sure her boss was out of earshot, she made the next call on her list.

*********

 

"So, Buffy, what's the status on the hotel contracts?"

 

Buffy looked up at her boss, trying to refocus from typing marketing materials to negotiating hotel contracts.  "I've gotten through the whole list, and now I'm just waiting for people to call me back.  If I don't hear anything today, I'll make the calls again tomorrow."

 

Carol heaved one of her infamous put-upon sighs.  "You know, Buffy, I ask you to do this one little thing for me, because I believe in your ability to advance yourself within the company, and you don't seem to be taking it seriously.  How can you expect me to give you more responsibility, when you aren't even doing this one simple thing?"

 

Buffy thought about it.  She didn't actually want these new responsibilities, she just wanted to do a good job with the things in her job description, and not be so stressed about work.  Then again, saying that to her mercurial boss seemed like an incredibly stupid idea.  As did reminding her that Buffy had no control over when people called her back.  Buffy tried to be rational, praying she wasn't about to be fired.  That check she had coming on Friday would really help.

 

"I'm sorry if you don't think I'm working hard enough on the hotel thing; once I'm done helping Chelsea with this typing, I'll start calling through the list again."  Buffy tried to sound as calm and unemotional as possible, even if she could feel herself blushing.

 

Carol looked at her, looked at the stacks of red-lined papers spread over Buffy's desk, and nodded.  "That's fine, but don't forget that you have to cover Cindi again for her afternoon break.  And remember, there's a timeline for the hotel contracts.  The re-negotiations have to be done before the end of the fiscal year, so that we can make the budget for travel expenses."

 

"When does the fiscal year end?"  Buffy frowned.  She wasn't sure what a fiscal year actually was, but she'd heard the term enough to know that it didn't end on New Year's Eve, usually.

 

"Buffy, I explained this to you when I gave you the project.  The fiscal year ends at the end of November."  Carol looked down her nose at the Slayer, and Buffy snapped.  Since having her attitude questioned last week, she hadn't spoken up in her own defense, but being lied to never sat well with her.

 

"I'm sorry, Carol, but you never gave me any time frame for this project, except when the current contracts run out in January."

 

Carol glared at Buffy.  "Did you ask?"

 

Buffy blinked.  "Um, no, you just told me what to do and walked away."

 

Another sigh.  "That was yesterday afternoon.  How is it possible that it's taken you 24 hours to ask about the timetable of a project?  I don't like this attitude that you think you know everything.  It's not the attitude of a team player.  If you need to know things, you need to ask, okay?"

 

Buffy thought about calling Larry in IT for help hunting down the list, asking Robin in Marketing to look over her typing before she delivered it to the VP who requested it, and calling Xander for directions or a ride when she had trouble delivering packages quickly.  Then she decided to let it go.  She nodded, and Carol took off down the hall again, hopefully for the rest of the day.

 

Comments

[sharoncs.livejournal.com]

"Buffy?" Carol poked her head around the corner. "The night receptionist can't make it, can you cover for her? We'll pay overtime, of course."


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