Worst. Books. Ever.

[willow_25]

Meant to post this last night, but the fickle internet connection at home was feeling no love for me.

We've all seen lists of favorite books on one another's LJ's, but what are your LEAST favorites?  Is there something a friend recommended, that made you rethink the friendship?  Ever pick up a novel and find out it read like badfic?

I'd prefer not to see a lot of cheesy romance novels listed, but if you really must, hit me with 'em.

Here are some of mine, feel free to respond in comments, or post to your LJ.
***

'The Stress of Her Regard' by Tim Powers.  Three words: Dead. Baby. Marionette.

'The Catcher In The Rye' by J.D. Salinger.  Feel free to argue, but it will do you no good.  I even read it a second time, at the urging of friends, to make sure I wasn't just on crack when I read it the first time.  Nope, still didn't like it.

'The Poisonwood Bible' by Barbara Kingsolver.  Now, I finish nearly every book I start.  Even if I take time off in the middle of the book due to RL, I'll get back to it eventually.  This is one of the few books I've ever put down with the full intention of never picking up again.  I even gave my copy away.  As far as I can tell, there is not a single likeable character in the thing.

And, your romance novel freebee:
'Single White Vampire' by Lynsay Sands.  This one actually wasn't too bad, as supernatural romances go.  But, vampires from Atlantis?  Seriously?

Comments

Running with Scissors

[sharoncs.livejournal.com]

Someone recommended Augusten Burroughs to me because I'm a huge David Sedaris Fan.

Blech. It was all over the place, and seemed a bit too contrived for my taste.

There's a long-ass David Eggers book that I can't stand, either.

Re: Running with Scissors

[willow-25.livejournal.com]

Hmmm, on the whole I've enjoyed David Eggers. Must be a different book.

[nomdiplume.livejournal.com]

Lol. I actually agree with you about Catcher in the Rye. All due respects to JD Salinger, but seeing the world through the eyes of Holden Caufield just made me feel nauseous. I hated the character, and I hated the book because of it.

Worst ever, though, there's no contest:
Stephen R. Lawhead: In the Hall of the Dragon King. I happened across this god-forsaken trilogy in an English language library in Japan, when reading material that I didn't need two dictionaries to translate was in short supply. Also, the top read: "By the best-selling author of the Pendragon Cycle." Sounds good, right? Best-selling author, Arthurian scholar, probably going to write a decent bit of midieval fiction.

OH THE FREAKING HUMANITY.

This book could be used to torture toddlers with its massive plot holes and obvious logical errors. It was horrible. A few highlights that were memorable:
1. The most impregnable keep ever (hasn't been conquered in millenia, etc...) has no water supply inside the walls.
2. It probably hasn't been conquered because the best the invaders can think of as a seige technique is to wheel a giant, ebony, multi-ton statue in front of the drawbridge, and feed wood into the back to make it breathe fire. Yes, you've got it, their brilliant and ridiculously complicated strategy is to try to BURN the giant wooden gate, using a ridiculously impractical multi-ton statue, which clearly must never be used as a battering ram.
3. The defenders are totally stimied by this attack, and respond by hanging skins down in front of the drawbridge, and then pouring their limited supply of water on the skins.
5. The next line killed me. "Two weeks later..." and NO ONE HAS CHANGED THEIR STRATEGIES!!! Two weeks and no-one has gone, say, we're running out of water, maybe we should just attach grapples to the stupid statue and tip it into the moat. Gee, maybe we should shoot the guys running back and forth with huge quantities of wood. Gee, maybe we should have DUG A FUCKING WELL SOMETIME IN THE LAST FEW CENTURIES!!

OK, I'm done now. I'm told this guy has written other books that don't suck. This one still tortures my dreams, though, so I don't think I'll ever know that first-hand.
-J

[willow-25.livejournal.com]

LMAO. I've hear this rant before, yet it's still funny.

No well in the castle, dead baby marionette...It's a tough call.

[kaylaraine.livejournal.com]

Crime and Punishment: Awful, awful book. Don't ever read it. Once I started it, I somehow forced myself to finish it, but it took months and was worthless.

[willow-25.livejournal.com]

Oddly enough, three members of my Reader's Circle read this book at different points. One of them agreed with you, one liked the book because it had no redeemable characters, and as far as I know the other never finished it.

[vikingprincess]

The Scarlet Letter

Wuthering Heights.

*throws up in her mouth a little bit*

[willow-25.livejournal.com]

I liked the Scarlett Letter, although most of the characters were morons; I guess it was the writing style.

Wuthering Heights, I totally agree. I don't get why people rhapsodize over this book. I wanted to beat all of the main characters with blunt objects.

[vikingprincess]

oh, well. WH is the original romance novel. but, ick.

[willow-25.livejournal.com]

I'll see your 'ick' and raise you an 'oy vey'.

[flostonparadise.livejournal.com]

I'd have to re-read "The Scarlet Letter." I read it in High School, when I had just arrived in the States and my English was still very limited.

Thanks for giving me the idea, come to think of it!!

[draconin.livejournal.com]

'The Stress of Her Regard' by Tim Powers.

Hah! I agree totally. And yet 'The Anubis Gate' is brilliant and I've re-read it a number of times. Go figure!

[willow-25.livejournal.com]

'tsohr' was the first book of his I've read, is this other book really worth trying again? Seriously, be honest.

[draconin.livejournal.com]

What can I say? I have a set of shelves where I keep books I felt were good enough that I'll re-read them (currently about 1500). Otherwise they go into "The Box of Doom" in the cupboard for trading in. I agreed with you about tsohr and yet I have "The Anubis Gates" on my shelf and have already re-read it 3 or 4 times. It's a little slow to get started but then takes off. Basically it's a time travel/paradox style book where a whole heap of seemingly disparate stories in different eras gradually converge to interact. Ultimately though you'd be taking a risk since you've already read one of his and hated it.

[flostonparadise.livejournal.com]

Robert Ludlum was an awful writer. I didn't like any of his novels except "The Scarlatti Inheritance."

[willow-25.livejournal.com]

Was 'The Scarlatti Inheritance' the first book of his you read? If not, I'll have to mock you for continuing to read the same author even when you know you don't like his work.

[flostonparadise.livejournal.com]

Yes, Scarlatti was the first.

[ozma914.livejournal.com]

My ex-wife bought me a science fiction book once that was written by William Shatner. Not ghost-written, with his name on it -- actually written (or at least dictated) by him. I know, because it was the most badly written piece of crap I *ever* had the misfortune to suffer through. Nobody who actually writes for a living would have let that go to the printer.